Here's what you don't know: My typing ability today has been severely hampered, every bone in my body aches, including my pinky bones. Only one thing can cause this much pain...Crossfit, or, as I like to say, especially after being incapacitated for nearly THREE DAYS, CrossShit. It sounded like a good idea, especially after seeing friends who have drastically changed their bodies...but as we all know, if it sounds too good to be true, then it is. Go ahead and try to get a visual of me in a gym...and if that doesn't make your morning mocktail come shooting out your nose, envision this: I had to JOG around a parking lot, lift weights, walk on my hands and tippy-toes at the same time, lunge, yes lunge, do push-ups AND SQUATS...over and over and over.
According to Wikipedia: "The squat is a compound, full body exercise that trains primarily the muscles of the thighs, hips and buttocks, quadriceps. Squats are considered a vital exercise for increasing the size of the legs and buttocks."
INCREASING THE SIZE OF THE LEGS AND BUTTOCKS!!!! What the #$*@!!!
So here's what you do know: I'm crazy. And if ME going to CrossShit doesn't prove that then me baking SEVEN gingerbread houses while my buttocks were on fire from being INCREASED should...and it might even get me commitment papers!
...And They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats
and they're coming to take me away ha ha...
So crazy is as crazy does. To further illustrate the slippery mental health slope I am on, let's do some math: Haunted Halloween Gingerbread Houses + lots of candy + 12 year old girls = the perfect storm! And it was a storm! A storm of eating and gluing and creating - it almost made me forget my increasing buttocks.
Gingerbread dough is smushed into a baking sheet; after baking the pattern is placed on top and the pieces are cut out with a knife, then set aside to cool. The gingerbread hardens as it cools. I baked seven houses; you get one house per baking sheet, so it was a loooooooong day! May I remind you, Crazy is as crazy does.
Alas, I was out of black food coloring and out of time...I needed the houses to be assembled so they would set. The white frosting was bothersome to be sure! They just didn't look like haunted houses! After a quick run to Home Cake Decorating I returned with black food paint...the houses were set and once the white was painted over, they looked much better (an extra step, next time I'll make sure I have black food coloring on hard...wait...next time?!? Hahahahaha, as if! Im not THAT crazy!)
The houses smelled sooooo good! I purchased a lot of little candies for the girls and some pretty cute halloween decorations from Home Cake, like skeleton heads and ghosts made from sugar. Plus they had Peeps ghosts and pumpkins and lots of tubes of black, orange, yellow and red frosting...basically enough to decorate their gingerbread house many times over!
The girls also made Mummy Pizzas for their dinner...I thought having them eat real food would counter the effects of the mass quantities of candy they ATE...it did not. If anything they were more hyped up when they left than when they arrived! Note to self: Protective gear and ear plugs should be worn around 12 year old girls.
The little darlings...hard at work on their houses...ahhhh, brings a tear to my eye...and then another and another and another...I shall always look at these pics and think of the horrendous PAIN IN MY arse, legs, arms, neck, back, feet...
Then again...these pics are pretty swell...their houses are crazy cool! They did such a great job - so, so cute, I mean so, so hauntingly horrendous. Don't you just love the ghost coming out of the window? And the spider web on the roof?
How about the "body outline?" And the candy corn roof spikes? I think the girls might have some skills that would get them jobs in the food industry, law enforcement or perhaps a life of crime!
Haunted Halloween Gingerbread House - Adapted From Linda Millward
Makes one gingerbread house.
For the gingerbread house:
2 3/4 cups sifted flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon ginger
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
2/3 cup molasses
1 egg
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
Royal Icing:
3 egg whites at room temperature
1 lb. powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
Mix ingredients thoroughly and chill for several hours or overnight. Roll out dough so it's about 1/2-inch thick and approximately 15 x 17-inches. Carefully place dough onto cookie sheet, and bake at 300 degrees for 30 to 40 minutes. Do not under-bake! Place pattern on hot gingerbread and cut immediately. Lift carefully and cool on rack. The gingerbread should be very hard when cool, if not, the pieces can be laid back on the cookie sheet and baked for 5 to 10 minutes longer, if necessary. Frost/glue the houses together with royal icing and decorate with assorted candies.
Royal Icing: In a mixing bowl combine all icing ingredients and mix until icing stands in stiff peaks, about 5 minutes. Keep frosting covered at all times with a damp cloth, as the icing dries quickly and becomes very hard. I put the icing in a Zip-lock style bag, snipped off a little tiny bit of a corner and used that to squeeze the icing out just where I wanted it. Plus, a plastic bag will keep the icing soft and usable.
For the house pattern:
Roof: Cut one piece of cardboard 4 1/4-inches square. Cut out two roof pieces.
Sides: Cut one piece of cardboard 4 1/4-inches by 3 3/4-inches. Cut out two side pieces.
Front and back: Cut one piece of cardboard in a rectangle, 4 1/4-inches by 6 3/4-inches. Mark the center on one short side of rectangle. Measure up each long side 4-inches, then draw a line from there to the center that you marked on the short side. Cut on the line, forming a point. Cut two pieces from this, a front and a back.
To assemble house: Using royal icing, glue sides to the front and back pieces. Let set, about 20 minutes. Glue on roof pieces. Let set until firm before decorating, about one hour or over night.
"And I had but one penny in the world. Thou should’st have it to buy gingerbread." – William Shakespeare, Love’s Labours Lost
