Just writing that heading was hard. Surely perfection has nothing to do with Autism - and Max is perfection. He came into this world perfect and sweet - the most wanted and loved baby on the planet. Max was perfect, almost too perfect. He slept fourteen hours through the night, rarely cried and always seemed happy. He grew and developed just like the books said he should. But as his grandma I worried. Not because I thought anything was wrong, it's just part of being a grandma I suppose. When Max was seventeen months old I told the girl to make sure he was not given all of his vaccinations at one time, like they do when babies turn eighteen months old. I have three friends who have children with Autism, I had heard their stories, their suspicions about the unproven link between Autism and vaccinations, and I wanted to make sure the girl took every necessary precaution - but not because I thought anything was wrong.
When Max was eighteen months old he came to visit, for Christmas. It was so wonderful to have him here - everything he did made us ooh and aah. He was the light of the house and we followed him around and watched his every move. When he ran down the hallway on his tippy toes I remember thinking how very cute that was - but then I got this funny feeling, like something was wrong...just a little red flag, you might say, because babies don't naturally run on tippy toes, I'd read that somewhere. But I couldn't remember what I'd read and quickly put my little red flag out of my mind.
The next day I watched Max pick up a piece of ribbon and he began to spin it with his hand - round and round. At first I thought it was just a funny little thing - but he continued, spinning and spinning the ribbon. I was reminded of his fascination with ceiling fans - how they would transfix him. I felt a sinking in the pit of my stomach...another little red flag...something was wrong. Our little Max, the most perfect child on the planet, was doing things that didn't make sense. I told the girl what I saw, I told her my fears, and she knew - a mother always does - but hearing it from her mother was hard. Saying, out loud, that something might be wrong with Max was like a slap in the face. But what did it matter than he spun things aroung? What did it matter that he ran on tippy toes? He was still Max - still our perfect little boy.
Max soon started developing more behaviors - and then there was the "disconnect." The lack of emotion, the starring off into space, the laughing hysterically at nothing...it couldn't be denied. Max has Autism. He is somewhere on the "spectrum." Over the last year it's been like a roller coaster ride for the girl/sil and the rest of the family. We've all looked for signs that everything is fine - even reassured ourselves that he'll outgrow this. And the truth is, no one knows, he just might. We've read the books about "pulling your child OUT of Autism" and every other book/remedy we could get our hands on. Max is getting all of the early intervention therapy that is available to him because we're told that's the "key."
I decided to share this with you (with the girl's permission) because I know Autism has touched many of your lives. It affects one in seventy children, mainly boys. It's everywhere, or so it seems. Max is one of the lucky ones - he has language, he can talk, and while it's not conversational, he's getting there. He's also very, very bright, and has savant qualities, especially with numbers and letters (which probably means he'll be "Microsoft Material" in twenty years or so!) So I'm sharing this about Max because I want to know what you know about Autism. What have you tried? What gives you hope? What have you read or seen or know that you can pass along to a family that is hit daily with waves of grief and joy. Because that's what it's like - one minute we're tickled pink because Max continues to be the most perfect child there is and the next we're mired in sadness because Autism has taken bits and pieces from him, from all of us.
Please don't feel sorry for me, the girl, and certainly not Max. Max is loved and adored - almost to the point of worship around here! He has everything he could ever want - and he's happy. And he'll continue to get everything he wants - because that's my duty as a grandma. And right now Max loves Mickey Mouse...he's smitten with Mickey. He also loves Donald, Daisy, Minnie and the rest of the gang. He loves watching videos of Mickey and wearing Disney clothes (he already has quite the Disney wardrobe!) and sometimes he's a bit unhappy when he has to take those clothes off!
Max is going to celebrate his 3rd birthday very soon, and of course, he's going to have a Mickey-themed party. About a month ago the girl told me she heard Target had Mickey dishes, and I was dispatched to find them. I purchased everything they had (and then some) for Max's party. Yesterday I was in Target again and this time I discovered something I missed! And that got me thinking about a new shirt for Max...I'm sure he'll love it! (Caesar Beezer saw the bowl on the floor and came running - he was very disappointed to find it empty! I'm sure it will look great at Max's party filled with candy or popcorn or whatever Max wants.)
I'd love to hear from you about your experiences with Autism - I'll pass everything along to the girl, she could use the support. Thanks so much!