Pots and Pins

Ants in my Pants...

Living in the great Northwest is not all fun and games...yes, we have rain, and gray skies and terrible traffic and taxes upon taxes...and we also have ants...carpenter ants, which are huge and easy to spot and they generally live outdoors, eating up tall trees from the inside out until they crash down on a house or car...are you packing your bags to move here yet?  We also have moisture ants...which stands to reason since it is very moist up here....someone I know doesn't like the word moist...can't remember who...but really, it's not a pleasant word, is it?  So these moisture ants live in wet wood and they eat the wet wood until there is no more wood to eat....below is a picture of my living room....we've had the wall ripped out from under the window THREE TIMES in 12 years....THREE TIMES!!  We've done everything possible to keep the moisture out so the ants will stay out...but THEY'RE BACK!!!!!

So the wall has been ripped out yet again...and the ants were everywhere!  Our handyman now assures us that he can fix this problem permanently...he is the same handyman who did the first three fixes...now that should tell you something...actually it should tell US something but call us Mr. and Mrs. Stupid because we're giving him one more go....this time he's going to use treated lumber and he's going to redo the brick on the outside of the house...that sound you hear is our cash flying out from under the window...

Jam Cookie Disaster...

I hate her, I hate her not....I hate her, I hate her not...I hate her, I hate her not...Nope, I hate her!     

Who other than Martha-Queen-of-Complicated-Recipes-Stewart could take a simple sugar cookie with jam filling and turn it into an all day event?  And I was stupid enough to be lulled into thinking this was a good thing! I should never have started this recipe - my head hurt - my back hurt - and I was in a lousy mood...but I thought baking would cheer me up...wrong!  It only made things worse!  If the mister had walked in while I was in the middle of this mess he would have been turned into a soprano instantly!    

Refrigerate the dough, roll out the dough, refrigerate again, then freeze, then TRY to roll it out...I had to stand on a chair and put all of my weight onto my rolling pin, causing my eyes to bulge, just to get the dough to flatten a teensy bit!  Spread jam on dough, place another sheet of dough on top, TRY to cut into shapes...oh wait, dough doesn't hold together, too much flour...not enough liquid...dough is tasteless...oh Martha, why can't you just be normal?!?  I'm blaming this all on her...it's her fault that this recipe is ridiculous, and time-consuming, and tasteless...It was supposed to make 40 cookies...I got about 15...oh, it did say I could BAKE THE SCRAPS!!  Now who wants to go to all that trouble to bake scraps?!?  I'm going back to my self-imposed ban of Martha, this time, indefinitely. 

If YOU want to give this recipe a try, it's the Cookie Of The Month in the July issue of Living Magazine...but know that you've been warned...

Mammograms

A man invented the "mammogram machine"...it's true - a machine that mashes womens breasts...no man, however, has ever invented a "weinergram machine" or should I say a "MANogram?"  Why is that?

I had my semi-annual mammogram today - I'm on the 6th month plan - by the time my breasts return to their original shape it will be time for another mashing.

I was once trapped in the masher - trapped with tears streaming down my face, unable to breathe, unable to move while the technician scrambled from behind her radioactive safe lair to free me with a stamp of her foot...alas, I was not freed.  She tried again and again while I gasped for air, afraid that at any moment my breast would burst - thereby ruining the pretty pink patterned carpet...finally the tech went to the back of the machine and bending down she hit some button - raised her head to see if I was free - only to hit her head on one of the many "wings" of the masher...then she fell to the ground holding her head - moaning!! I was delirious with pain and moments away from losing consciousness...and she's on the ground holding her little forehead...with superhuman effort I let out a scream -actually I think it was loud enough to register on the Richter scale but it did the trick and brought her back to reality - she slowly reached up and pushed the button again...and there it was - a little burst of air and the masher was lifted...the tech got a bandaid for her forehead and I got a creased boob and an appointment for a biopsy.  The biopsy was benign - and 6 months later I was back for a recheck - I tell the new tech that I was once trapped in the machine and she says, "That was you?!  Oh we've laughed about that for the longest time!"  Infamy is not all it's cracked up to be.   

I've had two breast biopsies in the last 5 years - fortunately both were benign.  I was reassured today that the old "foot pedal mashers" are no longer in use - they've been replaced with computerized mashers...which offered me little comfort. 

Have you had a mammogram lately?

Woo-Hoo! It's Clean!!!!

After round the clock cleaning - and vats of sundry pain killers - I am here to proudly tell you that my workroom is finally clean!  Let me refresh your memory....here is the before...broken grids, overstuffed bins filled with who knows what?!  Just a depressing mess!

And now - here is the after....with closet doors removed to give me a bit more space - and a new Elfa Storage system....I finally have what I've always wanted....organization!  I also got a new "work station" on top of the shelves - it will be a great place to wrap presents!  I hauled out bags and bags and only kept the good stuff .  I am so happy its finally done - now I can get back to work!

I think I'm going to go out to dinner tonight to celebrate - and because I don't even think I could lift a pot to cook in!  Which reminds me.....my dear friend Joni told me the only exercise she gets is chewing!  Music to my ears - I must have the healthiest jaw in the world! 

Things to do with tile.....

I saw this car parked outside of the tile shop....it is completely covered in tile...now, this was this tile company's way of advertising but seriously...who would tile a car?!?  If our bathroom tile doesn't workout then maybe I will!

Our Annual Trip To Italy...

Every year the mister and I vacation in Italy....we buy guide books, scour through them picking out where we want to stay, what we plan to do....we make lists of "must sees" and we argue about how much time we'll be able to spend in each city along the way.  So, in preparation for this year's annual trip, I have purchased the first guidebook of the year - In Love In Italy A Traveler's Guide To The Most Romantic Destinations In The Country of Amore by Monica Larner (Rizzoli Publications.)  It's a beautiful book, filled with pictures - which I personally love - I like to see what I'm going to see!  I read through this book last night - stopping only to mention some of the highlights to the mister - he plans to look through it tonight - the mister doesn't actually read, well I guess that's not entirely true - he CAN read - he just doesn't....so pictures are VERY important to him! 

Oh...did I mention that we don't actually GO TO ITALY?!?!?  We just take an annual IMAGINARY TRIP - we've never stepped foot in the country!  Our first imaginary trip was 8 years ago - we had plane tickets, hotel reservations and good maps torn from the pages of good guide books...we were set...and then our daughter had a serious car accident - everything was cancelled and our dream trip was just that...a dream....put on hold until the following year.  Our second imaginary trip started much the same as our first - plans made, reservations made, tickets purchased...and then our daughter announced she was getting married....money for Italy went immediately into the wedding fund.....Trip three...9/11...we had planned to travel in October but our business took a nose-dive and so did our plans.  Trip four....the year the deck fell off the house...new deck, no trip.  Trip five....I believe this was the year we put on the new roof and not the tile kind you see in Italy....Trip six....oh yes, the year the furnace blew...we heated our house by burning our guide books until the heating guys could install the new one....Trip seven...now that would be the year the tree hit the house - knocking down the new deck....along with my dreams of Portafino...Trip eight, we had such high hopes...it was looking good, too....until the mister tore his acheles tendon...which meant there would be no walking around Cinque Terre or even the concourse at Sea-Tac Airport! 

So that brings us to this year...I told my mom a few months back, when she had both of her knees replaced that we were definitely going to Italy this year and she was coming with us...(she and I have talked about going to Italy for years and years)...she just laughed.  Oh she of little faith!  With the first guide book purchased so early in the year, we are well on our way to what might prove to be the best Imaginary Trip Ever!  Or maybe, just maybe, we might actually go!!!

Shamless Plug....

A friend accused me of a shamless plug when I posted a picture of my birthday cake two days ago....what utter nonsense....I KNOW shamless plugs and that certainly was NOT one....oh no, a shamless plug would be something like this:

My birthday was December 9th and since I am celebrating all week this year - it's not too late to get your gift in the mail to me!  Don't know what to send?  Here's a hint.....

As you can plainly tell - THAT is a shamless plug...and something that I would NEVER DO!

NEVER!

EVER!

Scroll down a bit - you'll see the picture of my cake and the birthday song I sang to myself....now I ask you....be reasonable....was that a shamless plug? 

If you think it was then go ahead and send me your gift, I wouldn't want you to feel badly.  And if you agree with me, that it was NOT a shamless plug, then put your gift in the mail with a joyful heart!

Happy Birthday To Me!

1. 

Happy Birthday to me......

      Happy Birthday to me......

             Happy Birthday to ME-eeeeeeeeee......

Happy Birthday to me!

Caesar Beezer The Wonder Dog....

By now you all know that Caesar Beezer The Wonder Dog is not an ordinary dog...he is a human dog -with many, many talents - which is why I'm proud to announce the "grand-opening" of Caesar Beezer The Wonder Dog's very OWN BLOG!!!

He is as excited about it as I am....so when you get through reading this, go see what my furry, faced friend has been up to - he has already written his first post and he is anxiously waiting for me to get off of here so he can write another one!  I might have to get him his own computer!  Check it out!  www.wonderdogblog.blogspot.com   

A big thank you to one of Caesar's biggest supporters, who encouraged him to branch out into the world of blogging - Joni of California - a visionary to say the least!  (If you lived next door Caesar Beezer The Wonder Dog would have happily made you a "lawn sculpture" as a thank you!) 

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let it Snow!!!

We woke this morning to the most beautiful sight!  SNOW!  It rarely snows in Seattle, so when it does, everything is transformed into a Winter Wonderland - and everything also comes to a complete halt....the kids run outdoors with mittens on, pulling sleds and head for the nearest hill...and anyone with any brains stays put....no use trying to drive in snow around here as we have no snow plows and no one knows how to drive in snow!  Best to stay home and enjoy the scenery. This was taken off our back deck - we do live in paradise!

The Frosty Family enjoying some winter fun....

The mister putting the final Christmas decoration on the house before the big "blizzard" hit!

Picking out the perfect tree is always a good time - no matter WHAT we had to pay for it!  $10 a foot - that's arboretum robbery!!  Especially when we're surrounded by Christmas trees that grow in our yards! Sheesh! 

The tree - decorated and ready for Santa's visit....looks like some of the ornaments need a little work!  And the angel, who isn't showing in the picture has fallen forward, looking rather like a drunk angel - do angels drink?  Note to self....get the glue gun and get 'er fixed!

The kids tree....well, it's really my tree and it's my all-time favorite.   I love the snowmen!  I purchased the big snowman head on top in San Francisco a few years back - I was there with girl friends and we just had the best time - every time I look at this tree I'm reminded of those crazy women!

 

Can't be Christmas without a Teddy Bear picnic!