I found a lump. Sort of scary, really. So I called my doctor...because my insurance requires me to have him write an order for a diagnostic mammogram. Had to wait 4 days to see him. The doctor told me what I already knew - I had a lump! And I will have to pay him $300 for that! I had to then wait a week to get a mammogram and ultra-sound. Tick-tock. Time did not fly by. At the ultra-sound the doctor said it was definitely not a tumor, definitely not a cyst, and was not fibroid-related...he said, "I have no idea what this is!" Not very reassuring. So a needle biopsy was scheduled...had to wait another week because I take baby aspirin - a no, no if you're having any kind of surgery. Tick-tock. Father Time tortured me. Biopsy went well...until the doctor, who was no-nonsense and very robotic said, "This looks like it could be bat necrosis..." Holy Batman! Did you say BAT NECROSIS?!?! DEAD BAT?!?! In my very best patient voice I said, "Ummm, excuse me, did you say bat as in B-A-T? Are you telling me I have a DEAD BAT in my BOOB?!?!?" I am usually a very calm and controlled person...but if you tell me I have DEAD BAT BOOB then all decorum goes out the door! The nurses in the room laughed...the doctor saw no humor in her educated guess...and come to think of it, I was not all that amused either! Anyway, it was a Thursday afternoon...lab results take TWO working days...so I had to wait until this past Monday to get the results. It's NOT cancer. Thank Heavens. Huge relief. It is, however, just what the doctor suspected...Bat Necrosis...caused by an injury (which I don't remember ever getting) which then formed a hematoma and my body saw that as a foreign object and began to attack it...somehow a bat got in there...no, not really...cells began to die (necrosis) and they can turn to calcifications which can turn to cancer so the bat must be removed from the belfry/boob!
The lumpectomy has been scheduled...I'm thinking this should be a casserole event...with flowers and chocolate on the side and funny get-well cards stuffed in my mail box...yes? By now you are probably asking yourself what my bat breast has to do with Black Bean Hummus?!? To celebrate the good news, that it wasn't cancer, I made myself a bowl of Black Bean Hummus...it's dang good people...and it's healthy, too! I'm trying to eat healthy until the bat is removed. It's full of protein and fiber and lime juice and garlic...just enough to ward off the vampires until I'm no longer batty.
Black Bean Hummus - Pots and Pins
1 can (15 oz.) black beans, drained and rinsed
4 cloves garlic, minced
juice from 1 large lime
4 to 5 tablespoons olive oil
salt and pepper to taste
In the bowl of a food processor combine all of the ingredients and process until smooth, about 20 seconds. Serve with tortilla chips or pretzel chips. Serves 4.