Why yes, yes I can - as you are in serious need of help...first, I would fire every Delta ticket and gate agent in the Rome airport. They all speak their own version of English and in Italian they speak to each other and laugh...usually pointing at the Stupido Americanos standing in front of them. They would be escorted to the sliding glass doors that keep the cool air out and given a swift kick in the arse for good measure.
Then I would fire every Delta pilot who thinks sitting in a hot plane for TWO HOURS on the tarmac is his time to practice his karoke act...they would leave the plane via the emergency slide, without the slide.
I would fire every Delta Mechanic because a plane full of people that taxi's out onto the runway should be able to fly...one engine that DOES NOT START is something they should have picked up on before the plane left the gate! Having whatever duct tape or super glue needed to fix the engine on hand would have been helpful and knowing that Airbus planes are built in the next country over, you'd think they could have had a part flown over in less time than it took to unload 300 passengers from the plane onto buses, then onto more busses, then transport them to a flea-bag hotel for the night! Yes, I would fire them all...and sentence them to a life of living at that crap hotel where working toilets are optional, much like their engines!
I would also fire every Delta agent at JFK - including the ones who sit behind the desk in the Sky Clubs because their idea of fun is to tell exhausted, bleary-eyed tourists the wrong gate number...it's beneath them to actually READ the computer screen in front of their faces...it probably wouldn't be a big deal if there weren't 800 THOUSAND gates! They would go, along with the people responsible for POSTING the CORRECT GATES on their departure boards...because really, gate 6 and gate 36 are NOT the same thing...But first they would be stripped of all dignity, all bodily cavities searched (of course, I would not do this myself, but I would turn them over to one of the very many TSA agents who stand around with nothing to do) and then I personally would remove any items from their handbags that I deemed valuable to me...just for the fun of it.
And lastly, I would fire every Delta employee in Atlanta who's ever answered the phone and says one thing, then does another...and just for the record, at the end of the conversation when they say, "Thank you for choosing Delta Airlines," what they're really saying is, "IT'S BEEN OUR PLEASURE TO SCREW YOU!"
I realize that If it were easy being a tourist everyone would want to be one. But after being a tourist on Delta Airlines I now know what a pig on the way to becoming bacon feels like! Oink! Oink!
Aside from the Delta flights over and back (going both ways we had major issues!) we loved everything about Italy - the people, the history, the art, and especially the food! It was truly a dream trip, even being a Stupido Americano! I may only be a quarter Italian, but in my heart I'm now a native and I would only change two things about our trip...we would have stayed longer and we would have flown a different airline!